


the only thing that matters is our heartbeats

by Anonymous



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Demigods have difficult lives, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-18
Updated: 2015-10-18
Packaged: 2018-04-26 22:12:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5022460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nico and Jason fight monsters in New York at night. Nico almost dies, Jason reacts as one would expect.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the only thing that matters is our heartbeats

He's still trembling. Palms so slick his sword may fall from his hand. But he grips it tightly, desperately, because while it's a poor substitute for Nico's hand, it's all Jason can do. The son of Hades is breathing hard next to him. "That was close," he says. Then he smiles. It doesn't register to Jason at first, because it's the last thing he expects.

Jason keeps his eyes focused on Nico, because the alley they've ended up in is dark. He doesn't want to get separated again. He would never forgive himself. And he can't forgive himself right now. There's a horrible sense of dread in his stomach and he thinks he is close to crying. His mind is too stilted for him to respond. All he can think is that he cannot lose Nico again.

Nico turns towards him, and Jason can barely make out his expression. It's… exhilarated. "Thanks for killing it! That was amazing."

Jason feels an overwhelming burst of frustration. But all he can say is, "I thought… Nico, I thought you were going to…" His voice shakes and he cuts himself off.

It's not that he was making much noise before, but Nico becomes hushed. "You saved my life," he says.

"Yes, but -" for a moment, Jason gives up, turns his eyes up and laughs at how stupid he is "- I saved your life. It was just me. If I failed - you know? - if I had found you a moment later, if I fucked up… there was nothing else to save you."

He clears his throat, and then looks at Nico again, because he's gone silent, and Jason won't let him out of his sight again. Not after that. He thinks it was one of the most terrifying moments of his life, tearing through shadowy New York alleys in search of one demigod.

"I know what you mean," Nico says.

And Jason shouldn't want Nico to stay by him when he has Will and Hazel and Reyna and so many other people who want him too. It's selfish. Nico is not his to want. Jason tenses as his hands grip his sword harder, in a futile effort to hold back his anger.

"You were going to DIE," he says hoarsely. And then he starts to cry - he honestly can't help it, and he's not ashamed anymore. He feels justified in his crying; he's still shocked, he's still jittery and unbalanced.

"We're demigods," Nico says quietly, hesitantly. "You know that's how things are. It's what we do."

Jason takes a shaky breath, suddenly feeling foolish, as a tear still slips over his cheek. The unclean smell of the city, the darkness, the glare of streetlights in the distance - it must have made him dizzy. It must have made him confused. Nico is … he's right. Jason should've known better than to completely break down like this. This is just how things are. This is what all demigods go through; death is a fact of their life, so - so really, Jason shouldn't have been so horrified.

But then, is that really how he is supposed to be? Desensitized to the possibility of death?

"I - I know. But…"

Something is still tangled up inside him, he feels sick, but Jason can't stand to be here anymore - he wants to get out of here, go home - and what's the point of explaining, will Nico even understand? - so he just gives up on trying to describe this awful feeling. He just wants to go home.

"Let's go back," he says, instead of finishing his sentence.

"Are you sure you're up for shadow-traveling?" Nico asks. His concern doesn't make Jason feel better, just colder. But, while he's shaken, Jason says yes.

Gaunt, weak relief rushes over him, at the feeling of Nico's solid grip on his hand - _at least he's real, he's still there_ \- before everything melts into darkness and noise.


End file.
